Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
