actually, I'm a sock model
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
