how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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