If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
