I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
