How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
