when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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