my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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