He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i think i just lost a toe
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
