i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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