I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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