New invention idea: vibrating tampons
please come you make the beer taste better
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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