fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's get the cat blown out
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
