I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You took a bar mat shot.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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