wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
