your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
