I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Green mimosas i think yes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
