Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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