i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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