My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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