i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
