My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
