I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
