You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
