You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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