Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
