omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
