There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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