totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
