I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So vagazzling was a success
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
