is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
