batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
