Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
