Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
