They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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