Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
