Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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