I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
