You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
