he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
