i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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