I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
