I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How does one acquire holy water?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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