I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
