I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
