Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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