There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
