I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
