remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
