Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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